I occasionally pull up my blog just to see if someone else has put up a new post. I do like taking a break from my life for a second and seeing what others are doing with their children.
I noticed that it has been 2 months since I posted last and there hasn't been much change. I have been told over and over that it will take time for him to adjust to life over here and I agree with that statement.
I have loved learning about stress and the stress model that Bryan Post came up with for traumatized kids. I have loved finding Karen Purvis and her sweet way of dealing with "kids from hard places." I wish that I had known about some of these before adoption as I would have done things differently but I just continue to move forward with what I do know.
He went to spend a couple of days with friends and he did great. He was what I like to call "the hosted child" in which he is helpful, pleasant and agreeable. I have to admit that I can barely remember those days. I have to be honest and say that I would like those days back when he liked being with me.
I usually don't ask him if he wants to go with me places like shopping or running errands because he always says no or ignores my asking for at least the last 8 or so months. I caught myself the other day walking upstairs ( conscious thought) after asking Brenley if she wanted to go to a party and not asking him. I usually do ask if he wants to go places that are not the usual store or errands and he usually says no. But this time I just didn't think of it...He was in the kitchen and sitting on the stool a couple down from her - others were in the kitchen too- but I just didn't even notice or acknowledge him- so sad. I am glad that I did think of it a few minutes later and I asked him if he wanted to go--- he didn't answer me and kept walking away. Oh Maksim-- there is so much to do over here!!
We do have conversations with him regarding the fact that given a choice- he chooses poorly every time. I told him that his blueprint is poor given the fact that his birth mother did not take care of him and chose poorly ( drinking) and he ended up in the orphanage ---but he can overcome it if he chooses and that the choosing starts with the word YES!! Maybe someday I can blog about the YES answers....
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Maks and Vlad's story of how they ended up in an orphanage
We were able to talk with the boys about their experience through a Russian chaperone named Igor who had won their hearts and had shared his testimony with the boys. We asked Maks first how he ended up in the orphanage. He sighed heavily and took in a deep breath as he remembered the pain that he had experienced. He told us that his mother drank alot of beer and his dad had just walked out and no one knew what had happened to him. He then told us that his mother went to prison and that is how he ended up in the orphanage at age 5. He also said that his brother who is 16 is in prison. He told us that he sees an older brother when he goes to camp in the summer. We later asked him if he wanted to be adopted and he said yes. We asked him what he thought about Vlad coming too and he basically said "whatever". Igor explained to us that these kids are so hurt and closed off that they don't even know to be upset if they lose a friend.
Vlads story: We then asked him how he ended up in the orphanage. He told us that his mother died. His father tried to take care of him but couldn't so his father dropped him off at the orphanage and then his father died sometime after that. He has no siblings but does have a grandmother that sometimes visits him. We later asked him to think about maybe coming over here and he said that he would think about it but that he wasn't sure if he could leave his grandmother. Igor so wisely told him that if he had a job and a good opportunity over here that he could go back and help his grandmother and offer her help.
We are praying that the right decision will be made for each of the boys.
Vlads story: We then asked him how he ended up in the orphanage. He told us that his mother died. His father tried to take care of him but couldn't so his father dropped him off at the orphanage and then his father died sometime after that. He has no siblings but does have a grandmother that sometimes visits him. We later asked him to think about maybe coming over here and he said that he would think about it but that he wasn't sure if he could leave his grandmother. Igor so wisely told him that if he had a job and a good opportunity over here that he could go back and help his grandmother and offer her help.
We are praying that the right decision will be made for each of the boys.
The Journey to adopt Maksim
Some of you already know and had the opportunity to meet the Ukrainian orphan we hosted this summer Maksim Dudin. He is a twelve year old little boy that lived with us for over five weeks from June to August. Over those five weeks we all fell in love with him. He has a love for life, a great sense of humor, and really fits well with our family. Maksim has lived in an orphanage for over three years. (Later found out it had been since he was 5 but had transferred orphanages so the records were initially wrong)
After long discussions as a family and asking advice from many friends and family we have decided that there is room for one more in our family. We are going to pursue adopting this little boy to give him a family, a hope and a future. We are aware that this will be a challenge and it won't always be easy but we all agree that it is the right thing to do.
We could use your help financially but most importantly we need your prayers. We are trusting God that He will provide and guide us through this process.
After long discussions as a family and asking advice from many friends and family we have decided that there is room for one more in our family. We are going to pursue adopting this little boy to give him a family, a hope and a future. We are aware that this will be a challenge and it won't always be easy but we all agree that it is the right thing to do.
We could use your help financially but most importantly we need your prayers. We are trusting God that He will provide and guide us through this process.
Adopting Olga
Life for Older Orphans
Life as an orphan often is the outcome of parental death, imprisonment, drug addiction, or poverty. The pain of living life feeling rejected or abandoned leaves deep emotional scars. Life in an orphanage is very different than in a family. Caretakers are assigned between 6-15 children. One bedroom may sleep between 5 and 15 children. Orphans are served three meals a day, but due to the cost, meals lack variety and spices. A typical lunch may be boiled chicken, potatoes, and beets.
Orphan children are released from the orphanage at 16 years of age, shy of two years of education required to attend college. This leaves them with very few options to make a better life. Society typically brands orphans as incapable and untrustworthy. Most ignore them. Therefore, many orphans struggle to find jobs. Some may attend technical school. Without education and family support, many end up on the streets, in prostitution, drugs, prison, human trafficking, etc. The statistics show that 70% of the boys turn to a life of crime as their only way to survive.
I love reading your posts. sometimes you say the things "outloud" that I only say in my head. I wish you would post more often. It's a selfish wish however, but it helps me to not feel so alone.
ReplyDeletei have been reading the post website too and get their regular emails and it is helpful information.
some of these kids are really really tough.
thank you for your honesty. :)
I have heard that about 10% are really tough - maybe more but that seems about right to me when I see my other friends that have adopted kids. We did not meet the stressed out Maks except maybe the last hosting and then only a little bit- it has been hard on my family and keep thinking that I need a support group. There are lots of people with hearts for orphans and how to save them---but the day to day dealings with the pain that they live with can be overwhelming:)
ReplyDeleteI just read all night through your blog.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up high.