My random thoughts about this journey God has brought us on to adopt an orphan from the Ukraine.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

GIve up the fight!

‎(So Far To Find You by Casting Crowns) You were broken, abandoned and crying all alone. We were waiting and praying and longing to bring you home. And then we saw your face, in a moment you were wrapped up in our hearts. We took a step of faith and now here we are. Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight, I have come so far to find you. Will you take my love and give up the fight, I have come so far to find you. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md8QVNXRhDI

I think this song just about says it all for me- We confronted Maks last night about his attitude and his unwillingness to accept his new life and I am going to keep this up for a while. Expressing my anger in a loving way and staying calm  in hopes that he will be able to get past the tough guy attitude and move on with his new life. When I asked him why he came over all he said was "because you asked me" so I said a few choice words including "you don't do anything you don't want to do" etc.... but as i thought about it last night I think I am going to say today that " you must love ME so much to do something you didn't really want to do" and see how it goes. He is just a small boy in a teens body that needs love. He sat and took it from me last night- well I was sitting in front of the door:) He didn't say much as I talked in a much harsher tone than I usually do and calling him out on his choice to stay a stranger in our home. We are trying some different tactics and the most important one being that we are going to both talk with him for 30 minutes each night for the holiday season- I will have to continue to sit in front of the door but that's ok- he just needs to hear what I have to say about why I asked him if he wanted to be adopted:)
For those who also have difficult adopted children please join Bryan Post's inner circle and listen to the A to Z blueprint sessions and his family centered therapy sessions. It is truly life changing and worth the small price that he charges. The holidays do not have to be stress-FULL times if you remember to first take a deep breath and then focus on what you are feeling - and then when you are calm deal with the behavior. Merry Christmas!
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Maks and Vlad's story of how they ended up in an orphanage

We were able to talk with the boys about their experience through a Russian chaperone named Igor who had won their hearts and had shared his testimony with the boys. We asked Maks first how he ended up in the orphanage. He sighed heavily and took in a deep breath as he remembered the pain that he had experienced. He told us that his mother drank alot of beer and his dad had just walked out and no one knew what had happened to him. He then told us that his mother went to prison and that is how he ended up in the orphanage at age 5. He also said that his brother who is 16 is in prison. He told us that he sees an older brother when he goes to camp in the summer. We later asked him if he wanted to be adopted and he said yes. We asked him what he thought about Vlad coming too and he basically said "whatever". Igor explained to us that these kids are so hurt and closed off that they don't even know to be upset if they lose a friend.

Vlads story: We then asked him how he ended up in the orphanage. He told us that his mother died. His father tried to take care of him but couldn't so his father dropped him off at the orphanage and then his father died sometime after that. He has no siblings but does have a grandmother that sometimes visits him. We later asked him to think about maybe coming over here and he said that he would think about it but that he wasn't sure if he could leave his grandmother. Igor so wisely told him that if he had a job and a good opportunity over here that he could go back and help his grandmother and offer her help.

We are praying that the right decision will be made for each of the boys.

The Journey to adopt Maksim

Some of you already know and had the opportunity to meet the Ukrainian orphan we hosted this summer Maksim Dudin. He is a twelve year old little boy that lived with us for over five weeks from June to August. Over those five weeks we all fell in love with him. He has a love for life, a great sense of humor, and really fits well with our family. Maksim has lived in an orphanage for over three years. (Later found out it had been since he was 5 but had transferred orphanages so the records were initially wrong)

After long discussions as a family and asking advice from many friends and family we have decided that there is room for one more in our family. We are going to pursue adopting this little boy to give him a family, a hope and a future. We are aware that this will be a challenge and it won't always be easy but we all agree that it is the right thing to do.

We could use your help financially but most importantly we need your prayers. We are trusting God that He will provide and guide us through this process.

Life for Older Orphans

Life as an orphan often is the outcome of parental death, imprisonment, drug addiction, or poverty. The pain of living life feeling rejected or abandoned leaves deep emotional scars. Life in an orphanage is very different than in a family. Caretakers are assigned between 6-15 children. One bedroom may sleep between 5 and 15 children. Orphans are served three meals a day, but due to the cost, meals lack variety and spices. A typical lunch may be boiled chicken, potatoes, and beets.

Orphan children are released from the orphanage at 16 years of age, shy of two years of education required to attend college. This leaves them with very few options to make a better life. Society typically brands orphans as incapable and untrustworthy. Most ignore them. Therefore, many orphans struggle to find jobs. Some may attend technical school. Without education and family support, many end up on the streets, in prostitution, drugs, prison, human trafficking, etc. The statistics show that 70% of the boys turn to a life of crime as their only way to survive.